I’m caught in the struggle of how to balance relationships. I have to find the middle ground of reaching out to people, so that I can have the interaction I so desperately need, and not reaching out to people, because it gets so very exhausting doing all the work.
I have the feeling that if people reached back to me, my story would be a bit different. But at the moment it feels like I know a ton of people, and yet I have no one I can call a close friend. I initiate conversations in text, or try to initiate get-togethers… And I long for someone to do these things for me- for another person to start a conversation so I don’t have to.
And yet, there is one person who’s pursued me already- My Lord Jesus Christ.
He initiated our relationship. He loved me before I even existed. He died in my place before I was born. His words to me have been written for thousands of years. He pursues me every day, as evidenced by the small things I notice that point me back to him.
I realized that I need to pursue him as well. He alone can really fulfill me, and when my heart is focused on him, I don’t notice my longing for close community as much… I mean, it’s still there (he created us for community after all!), and not feeling like I have it can still hurt, don’t get me wrong… But in those moments when I go to his word, I’m comforted in the arms of my Savior.