So I’ve thought about connections a lot. Deep Friendships. I don’t really feel like I’ve had many of those in my life. There have been points in time when I felt I had friends, and also points in time that I’ve felt starved because of the lack of friends and connection I had. For a while now, I’ve kinda felt in that mode – feeling a need to really connect with someone, anyone. I’ve been lonely. I used to think it was one or more of a few things:
- I’m not outgoing enough/fun enough/whatever enough for people to want to be around me. I know this isn’t the case, but it can drag my thoughts down sometimes, thinking I’m not enough.
- It’s because I’m not seeking people out! I thought this for a while, and finally I decided to do something about it and started to seek others company, which led me to a few more ideas:
- Everyone is busy. It’s too hard to fit visits into busy schedules. Or along the same lines:
- Everyone already has close friends, and has no room to add another person in their busy life.
And while these may or may not have truth to them depending on the person, I know how my efforts have left me feeling: burned out and discouraged. So I’ve pulled back. But I’m left with that loneliness, not knowing what to do about it. I know I can’t force myself into a friendship with someone. Haha! That just wouldn’t work.
But recently I’ve begun to wonder if maybe the problem is along a slightly different line. Maybe I just don’t know how to be a good friend? Have I been so selfish in seeking to fill my own needs, that I’ve managed to lose the ability to just be a good friend? Maybe if I stop seeking to fill my own needs, but start to fill the needs of others – I’ll learn to be a good friend myself, and maybe somewhere in the process gain the friendships I’ve been hoping for. I really don’t know why I seem to be stuck in a place where I don’t really feel connected. It could be that I have a love language that’s hard for anyone to fill.
What do you think? Does anyone else struggle with making connections with others? Any tips for being a good friend?