I heard a definition of unforgiveness recently that really stuck with me. It went something like this: We can’t forgive someone when we don’t really grasp the truth about what God has done for us. When we don’t forgive someone, we are essentially saying that their sin against us is worse than our sin against God…
Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight, so that you may be justified in your words and blameless in your judgment.
Psalm 51:4
David wrote this Psalm after he had committed adultery with Bathsheba. Yet he realized the depth of this sin against God- “Against you, you only, have I sinned…” Yes, our sin hurts other people, but, at the core, our sin is against God alone, and it is the same when other people’s sin affects us. How does God call us to respond when others sin against us?
Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times. “Therefore the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who wished to settle accounts with his servants. When he began to settle, one was brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents. And since he could not pay, his master ordered him to be sold, with his wife and children and all that he had, and payment to be made. So the servant fell on his knees, imploring him, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you everything.’ And out of pity for him, the master of that servant released him and forgave him the debt. But when that same servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii, and seizing him, he began to choke him, saying, ‘Pay what you owe.’ So his fellow servant fell down and pleaded with him, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you.’ He refused and went and put him in prison until he should pay the debt. When his fellow servants saw what had taken place, they were greatly distressed, and they went and reported to their master all that had taken place. Then his master summoned him and said to him, ‘You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. And should not you have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you?’ And in anger his master delivered him to the jailers, until he should pay all his debt. So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart.”
Matthew 18:21-35
Why does God call us to forgive? We have been forgiven by Him!
Since we have been forgiven by Him, we also need to forgive others. These other verses show the seriousness of this in our lives:
“And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.”
Mark 11:25
For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.
Matthew 6:14-15
It’s not saying that if we don’t forgive we won’t be forgiven, but it is saying that if we are forgiven we will forgive others. When we are the Father’s, our hearts are transformed to His. We become like Him. He has forgiven us while we were still his enemy (But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:7), so we need to forgive others, even our enemies:
Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
Romans 12:17-21
This is hard to do. Our flesh doesn’t want to forgive. But with God, it is possible to forgive, and to have the love and compassion God has for us toward the people who have done us the most wrong; because in reality, our debt toward God is far more than others’ debt toward us.